last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
