my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
