so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
