Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
