careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
