That's intense
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
