Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
