I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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