my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
