There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
