he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
