I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
