when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
