After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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