She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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