this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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