I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
