fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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