Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
