I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
