peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
