i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
