I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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