Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The Olympian is in my bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
