lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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