I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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