Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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