My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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