As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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