It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i would punch a child for taco bell
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
