somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
