Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he shaved USA in his pubs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
