There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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