Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
