Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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