i just wanna soil my oats bro
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
