i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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