Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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