So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
