My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
