Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
