There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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