happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
