Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
