omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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