my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
