she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
