He disabled his match.com account in front of me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
