I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
