Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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