I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Will you blow on my dice?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
