This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
