Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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